In the late 90’s, I had a good friend who was a serial dater. I didn’t notice it right away because we became friend during one of the very rare times that he was actually single. We were out one night and he met a guy. He went home with that guy and basically stayed for 6 months. His entire life became about this guy. He was good about maintaining his friendship with me, but that also meant that I became friends with this guy. At the time it seemed only natural to become friends with my buddy’s beau. He was a great guy. He was fun to hang out with. Then things started to go south. I could tell my buddy was losing interest in his beau. Problems arose when his beau then started coming to me as a friend with how upset he was over all this. I had to explain that I couldn’t be his “go to” guy on this one for the obvious reason that his boyfriend is a very good friend of mine. Surely he had someone else to go to. So my buddy not only lost interest in his beau but I found out he had started seeing someone else. I found out the hard way.
A few nights later, I was supposed to have a movie night with him at his place which he forgot about. I always let myself in his house as I have a key and he was on the fourth floor and had no way to buzz me in. Imagine my surprise when I walk into his apartment and he’s rolling around naked on the living room floor with a man who is not his beau. He jumped up, grabbed a blanket, and pushed me into the hallway. He remembered our movie night at that moment. He told me to wait there, he’d go in and get rid of the guy and send him out the back door. I went in and acted as though nothing happened. He didn’t owe me any explanation. However, I did tell him he should probably break things off with his beau. Which he did the next day. Thankfully.
It turns out he had been seeing the naked man from his living room for a few weeks on the side. He was in love. He had never felt this way before. And I made the mistake of becoming friends with this guy too. And the cycle repeated itself. In the four years we were friends, he probably had ten boyfriends. I only befriended the first two. The other eight thought I was a complete dick while they dated him because I wanted nothing to do with them. After he cheated on them and left them, they’d seek me out. I’d explain why I don’t befriend his boyfriends and they understood.
I’m surprised I lasted four years being this man’s good friend. It amazed me that he could be so careless with the feelings of the guys he dated, but be such an awesome friend. It was a stark contradiction in the person he was. However, it became too much for me to handle. And after four years it turns out that the entire time he was seeing a guy behind all 10 boyfriend’s backs. For four years he hid this guy from everyone, including me. This guy didn’t care about the others and thought it was funny that they all thought they were all so stupid. When I found out about this guy, I just walked away. I couldn’t be party to someone like that.
He was the first serial dater to be a friend of mine. I typically distance myself from someone when I realize they’re a serial dater. I can’t handle all the drama that comes along with being their friend.
So to all you serial daters: Don’t bring your temporary beaus or the guys you’re cheating with into your circle of friends. It’s not fair to your friends and it’s not fair to the men. You force your friends to lie for you and you make the men you parade around with look like fools. In reality, you’re the asshole in the situation. You hurt a lot of people and you don’t care. Truthfully, you’re the lonely one. You’re the empty one who in incapable of true love. You’re the one who’s afraid to be alone. Ultimately you will probably end up alone. People like you end up with reputations that will precede you. Karma is a bitch and she will kick your ass.
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