Dual Personalities?

My least favorite part of any news site online is the comments section. I am often completely blown away by how hateful and rude people are in the comments they post. They think nothing of attacking everything from a person's character to their political stance to their religious beliefs. And it makes you wonder what kind of person could write such hateful things. Well the answer may surprise you. It's probably someone just like you or even someone you work with or know socially. The fact that you can post comments and remain completely anonymous has brought out the worst in many people. Has the internet allowed us to develop a dual personality?

In our daily lives we try to be good people. We are nice to our co-workers and people we pass on the street. We are pleasant to the cashiers at the grocery store and even say "excuse me" to someone we may bump into at the store, but what is it about the internet and it's anonyminity that causes some people to go from Dr. Jeckyl to Mr. Hyde?

Someone reads an article about a person being accused of a crime. Regardless of whether or not the person is guilty, they have a gut feeling about the person and just don't like them. So they go to the comment section and say what's on their mind. They call him a faggot or a jew or say he's a pedophile. Their rationale? Why not? Everyone else does. No one will know it's Me. This anonyminity tells people to feel free to express their inner racist, misogynist or homophobe.

One thing I am happy about is that now most news sites hide their comment section. Meaning you have to click on a separate link to get to them. This way you won't scroll down the page and have a trigger word in a comment catch your eye. That used to happen to me all the time. I'd see a hate word and I'd read the whole comment and get disgusted by the ignorance of the person posting it. I'd then leave a comment telling them they were inappropriate. They would leave a comment telling me to "mind your own fucking business you fuck wad" and then a comment war would ensue. Then I'd ask myself, what was the actual story about that we were originally commenting on? No one knows. Because once the commentors turn on each other, the content of the story become a moot point.

I write a blog. Yes, that statement earns me the "Captain Obvious" Award of the day. I make this statement though because I put my thoughts and ideas out there for the world to read. However, I do so with the added responsibility of attaching my name and face to what I write. Luckily, if any of my posts generate comments where they commentors begin having a conversation, it has, up til now, resulted in good and intelligent debate about the issue in the blog. With the exception of a few anonymous commentors who were quite disrespectful and had nothing intelligent to say or bring to the table. Yes, they were deleted.

Not too long ago. Margaret Cho received some hate mail from some people who did not agree with something she had said. She was appalled at how disrespectful and ignorant the people were. Some even went as far to attack her for being Korean and being a woman. What's that got to do with anything? So, she published the emails on her website with the commentor's full name and email address. Guess what happened? Almost all of the people who sent the hate mail emailed her back and apologized for being so crass. I applaud her in doing this. I think news sites should do the same. If you post a comment, it should include your name and your email address. I think this would stop most people from leaving such hateful comments.

There are gay websites where you post a profile describing yourself and it gives you the opportunity to post pictures of yourself if you so choose. It never ceases to amaze me how completely hateful and homophobic men are on these sites. Instead of someone saying they like men of a certain age group and body type who are masculine by nature, they say "No old guys, fats or fems." I had a conversation with a 26 year old kid online last week and was absolutely amazed at how completely homophobic he was in his quest for a partner. Instead of listing what he did want in a companion, he listed what he found disgusting about gay men who he would NOT be interested in. When I called him on this, he defended himself by saying he was too hot to deal with ugly people. Arrogant much? Luckily, most of these sites give you the opportunity to block certain members and I tend to block everyone who has a rude profile. It's a reflection of who they are and it's obvious to me I would not want to know them on a social or personal level.

On my blog, the only way I will publish the hateful and disrespectful comments I receive is if the person gives me their name and email address. However, Blogger allows you to comment anonymously, which is how most hateful people comment. I can change the settings so that only people with blog accounts or google accounts can respond, but then I'd miss out the thoughtful comments I get from people who happen upon my blog.

So think about this the next time you decide to leave a rude or hateful comment on a blog or at the end of a news story. Would you say what you're about to write to your mother? Would you want your child to use that tone and language when speaking to a teacher? Would you want a complete stranger to walk up to your mother or daughter on the street and speak to them that way? If still you decide you are warranted in your hatred, then post your full name and email. Own it. Take responsibility for what you do and say.

I don't agree with the phrase "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." Some things, not all that are good, need to be said. However, there is a respectful and intelligent way to say everything. Don't be one of the people with the dual personality. Everything you put out into the universe comes back to you, whether you do it anonymously or not. It will affect your karma and it is a TRUE reflection of who you are. So if you're a nice person by day and a spiteful hateful commentor by night, at some point, your true colors will shine through and people will see you for you who really are.

As a rule, don't engage the hateful commentors. They thrive on the attention.

And on Friday, I have some breaking news about a new band out of NYC that is about to blow the lid off rock music as we know it. I am lucky enough to be connected to the founding member of this band and you will hear it here first.