Saturday, April 05, 2008
When Sandy passed, it broke my heart in a way I never knew possible. I spent many a night in tears listening to the old songs that we shared. I even had a few spiritual experiences involving her to where I know she wanted me to let go and move on. Since my Aunt passed, a week ago yesterday, it's been different. I haven't cried yet. Don't get me wrong, my heart broke right in half when I knew she was in her final days, but I just feel like I have yet to react to it emotionally. I don't know why. I've left her obituary on my blog for more than a few days, following my tribute post and the post of the tattoo, but I think it's time to move on. I must admit, I've never had a harder time moving on from something than this. I love that every time I click on my blog I see her picture smiling back at me. I even printed the picture and put it in my wallet, along with another one on my monitor at work. I'm a writer and it's time to get back to writing. Writing about my life, my community and the world itself.
I guess when you come down to it, I'm just dumbfounded by how this disease can rob this world of so many people. I can think of so many of my friends and even other family members who have dealt with cancer in their lives. People who have dealt with it much longer than myself. In the last nine months, my own mother was diagnosed, my friend Rose at work was diagnosed, my childhood friend Wyly was diagnosed, I lost my childhood friend Sandy and then I lost my aunt. Not to mention my dear friend Drew lost his father, Billy Jack, to the disease. Yes, it hurts, but it's not about me. It's about the people who personally wage a war on cancer within their own bodies. They are the warriors. They are the ones who possess a kind of courage still unknown to me. They are the ones we should idolize and cherish and say endless prayers for. You see, they are the bravest souls in our lives. The ones who survive and the warriors who have passed. They are the true heroes.
I am humbled and broken, but I still have the gift of life. For this I will be eternally grateful. It's so hard to post this knowing the next time I log on I won't see Aunt Dottie's beautiful face smiling back at me. It is embedded in my heart and within my soul.
Thank you so much to all of you for reading my blog. You will never know how much it means to me that you care about what I have to say, about what I think and most importantly about the well-being of my loved ones that I write about. I am blessed and honored in all that makes me humble.
Thank you from the bottom of my fragile heart.
Will all my love and respect,
William B. Whalen